i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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