I heard we made out
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
