I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
