the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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