Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
This can only be settled by a dance off.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
