you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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