So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize