Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
