I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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