It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
