I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I can't put those talents on a resume
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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