I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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