I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
