my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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