she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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