There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
