just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
