She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.