Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
