so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
me + whiskey = a bad person
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
