Nicole vs. Life
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation