There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
