Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
