U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i've created a new STD.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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