his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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