How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
