I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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