just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
