you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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