she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
