If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
