Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he thought i was a dude.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
