My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You may now shotgun with the bride
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
