Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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