first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize