# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
