I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
