He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
