you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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