Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
