Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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