woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
