there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
