on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize
