What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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