Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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