it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
