TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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