I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
