So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
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Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
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you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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