Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
