i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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