I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
