Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
