so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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