Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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