uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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