He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
