Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
