I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
