I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
