hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish you could order shots online.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Still dying that you shit outside
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
