I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
