It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
