i just had sex bonerless
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
