the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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