She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
