i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
