Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
smell my finger.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
